Difficulty in Paradise..

•  No-body ever said it would be easy; although no-body ever said it would be this hard..

• No-body ever told me how much it hurts to let go..To lose yourself, and to be at points where hurting yourself actually hurts less than what's inside of your head..

• No-body ever said that you can prefer to end your life than deal with the agony of being alive..

• No-body ever told me that my very first best friend would use and abuse me, in many ways for nearly a decade. 
• No-body ever told me that he never had the right to do that, or that I was worth enough to have better than him and all his pain. 

Sometimes, life is about what you find out for yourself.. Not that that will make the bad parts any easier to deal with.. Falling like this is hurting beyond belief.. Not knowing what to believe and who to trust, I know I am not worth any better than this pain, yet I still can't bear to feel it.. but what about if it was to follow me into the after-life.. then what would I do.. Suicide, feels right, feels necessary, however do we ever know what we're getting ourselves into.. with life, with death. Self-harm becomes a barrier, but what to do, when the barrier is broken, when the pain is too much and the fear not enough.. welcome to my life.. if you have the answers I would love to know.